I'm forgetting things, I'm not driving like I should and I'll begin to get deeper and deeper into a sense of depression...not actual depression but a sense of depression to where I feel like I am failing and not being successful.
You get to the point where you are wondering why me..why me but then your eyes begin to open and you say why not me. During this time of transition as I call it or growth or whatever, I'm begin to learn a lot and see a lot of mistakes that I've made. Sometimes it takes a slap upside the head and a jolt to the system(which is what fear is a jolt ) to get you to realize where you lack in strength or you're a little weak. When we are jolted like that and we can actually see those areas and work on those areas to make ourselve stronger. For me, a lot of it came back to details and also humbling myself when I'm very boneheaded, critique others or am I tend to forget where I came from and where I started. I began to realize I wasn't putting forth a lot of effort in a lot of different things and because of the emotional roller coaster I was going up and down I just want to let things slide and just let things go because I felt like I had no control. This spilled over into every aspect my job, my family, my training and it was a wake up call because if I did not wake up I would sink into an actual depression. I had to get real and I understand I could pray and pray and pray but if I did not recognize the areas where I needed to improve praying for strength or whatever would not get me there. I had to see it for myself and then pray on that to be stronger to be able to correct and do I need to do to. The positive thing is I recognize it and I know what I need to do. Is it a struggle? yes I still doubt myself a lot I still have insecurities I still think sometimes that arise to the occasion with being scared but the important thing about is that I recognize it and then I step out and do what I need to do to make it better. I am victorious and bound to be more than good enough!